Guy Diet

I drink diet soft drinks.  For those of you who have seen my well rounded figure, you would know that it's not because I am health conscience or wanting to keep a trim, well chiseled body .  No, I drink it more for the passion.  It's nice to know that the chemists at my favorite beverage company went the extra mile and added something in there to not only make it taste delicious but also take away all possible calories...not just some, ALL!  Anyone can add high fructose corn syrup and call it "cola", but it takes an artist to craft and infuse a beverage with Fun-o-trine or Sweet n' Happy and still manage to keep it from causing brain damage in 9 out of 10 adults.  That added step I respectfully refer to as "adding the love" to my favorite beverages.

I have recently moved away from the "regular" diets (sometimes with a hint of lime) and discovered Pepsi Max and Coke Zero...or "guy diet" as I usually call them.  These are the same 0 calorie, sugar free concoctions provided by the "regular" diets but marketed more towards the male population.  They are EXTREME, they offer a boost of energy (i.e. an assload of caffeine) and they have removed the word "diet" altogether (Pepsi Max used to be called Diet Pepsi Max).

I started to catch on to the tractor beam-like pull to these two brands when I started noticing footballs on the cans, beautiful women in hot pants and go-go boots telling me I would look so hot drinking "guy diet", and of course the most obvious, the EXTREME commercials and sponsorships.  Unfortunately, I don't have specific examples of these ad campaigns, so I whipped up a few of my own as examples.

I see stuff like this everywhere I look when NASCAR is around:

I'm not sure if it's UFC or MMA or what that they sponsor so I made up my own:

Even my beloved Dallas Cowboys (boy do they suck this season or what???) starred in a commercial several years ago:

I wanted to do four ads in total for this post, but I ran out of ideas.  So I tried to recall what I am typically doing when I am drinking "guy diet" and what that ad might look like:

So the next time you are watching your favorite blood sport on TV, doing something EXTREME, or simply enjoying some full contact sudoku online with friends, pay attention to what messages are being sent to the thirst regions of your brain.  Chances are that you have fallen prey to a "guy diet" marketing campaign and probably don't even realize it.  You have been warned...drink up!

BTW - M, we're almost out of "guy diet".  No Zero and no Max makes Chris a dull boy.

-Cheers!