Parenting Class

M and I went to a parenting class recently to learn how to better handle difficult situations with our kids.  We arrived late so I'm not sure exactly what the presenter's credentials were, but I'm sure she came from one of our nation's more prestigious psychology  institutes of higher learning...as a lost cause, incurable case.

It all started innocently enough:

Oops, better change my name tag: 

The first part of the presentation was supposed to start with a short clip from the movie, Parenthood.  Unfortunately, there were some technical difficulties:

And that was it, no actual quotes offered from the film or even any indication of the overall message or why the hell she was trying to show us the clip in the first place...just "parenthood is like a roller coaster".  I can say flossing my teeth is like setting fire to a Starbucks, but I sure as hell better back that analogy up with some sort of an explanation.  Since there was none for this, I let my own mind wander:  Parenthood is like a roller coaster - it's cramped, smells like sweat, the idiot behind you won't stop talking about how the ones at Disney World are "like way better", it's over before you know it, and once you're done you either want to go again or throw up all over your snow cone.  How's that?

So, on with the rest of the presentation...oh wait, not yet:

Wow, this has been an exciting 17 minutes so far, how long is this supposed to go again?  Let's just hope that we shaved off a few minutes by avoiding our movie clip.

Time to change my name tag again:

The rest of the session was spent reading off the slides (pet peeve of mine) and random comments thrown in to further confirm that our presenter was absolutely, out of her mind crazy.  I do a lot of presenting for my job, so I tend to be forgiving when people have to stand in front of a group and talk, but these random "thoughts" were just bizarre.  It was like her innermost psyche took over her voice box and decided to take revenge at that precise moment for decades of abuse and repressed neglect. 

It was awful!  M and I both sat there watching this train wreck that was supposed to help make us better parents and all we could do is check the clock in hopes that "time flies when you're watching someone tailspin out of total control".

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of a purgatory-like abyss, she FINALLY runs out of slides to read.  So in her infinite wisdom, she leaves us with one more nugget of "good parenting" that we should take with us and hold onto for the rest of our lives:

Oh, and I also changed my name tag again:

I hope the rest of the crowd got absolutely nothing out of this session because if they did, we are about to see an army of messed up kids coming through our local schools in the near future.  If there is such a thing as a "DELETE AND DON'T EVER MENTION THIS AGAIN BECAUSE I WILL REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE I KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT" button, I probably would have pressed it so many times that it would have forgotten its purpose in life.

But at least now I know that "stressed" is "desserts" spelled backwards.  I'll have to mention that to the fellas at band practice next week.

-Cheers