Friday, August 17, 2012


Once upon a time, as I was walking through The Forest of Good Intentions:

I accidentally wandered too far, and became lost:

I just said attention, dumbass!

I'll be good...moving on.  As I tried to find my way back, I discovered a strange land:

But there was help in the form of Grumpy Old Troll:

Grumpy Old Troll knew the answer, but he required one thing from me first:

In an over-dramatic, blockbuster movie type pose, I fell to my knees defeated:

But Grumpy Old Troll had a second solution:

In an over-dramatic, blockbuster movie type pose, I fell to my knees, again:

Just then help arrived:

And I was excited to see my saviors:

Um, I never sent the Power Rangers my idea for a movie script...promise (but if I had sent them a script, it would have been EPIC!)

Okay, so I guess they never read my script...that I never sent them (ahem):

Oh well, maybe they will at least talk to me:

Just then, the White Power Ranger began to speak (as shown in action panels):

Stupid Rangers...see if I ever send them another script.  I mean, a first one that is...

 ***M thinks it's weird that I talk to myself...but I usually have something really important or helpful or funny to share

The mysterious voice was none other than:

Yep, that guy from the Matrix movies with all that strange green stuff behind him.  Where does he get that green, codey stuff anyway?


Just when I thought walking away from green codey Matrix guy was a good thing:

It wasn't


Time to move on:

Yep, this one post, while hopefully EPIC, has taken me way too long to create.  So instead of finishing it in its entirety, I thought we should speed things up a bit:

Hell yeah!  Grab a 40 and enjoy some movie parodies:

And of course, let's not forget the classics:

And of course:

Followed by the ever popular:

I had this idea about South Park, Pikachu and Donatello from the Ninja Turtles all going to The Old Spaghetti Factory, but I couldn't really figure out where to go with it.  So instead, I leave you with your own imagination:

But then something strange happened:

And I had to react:

But then I realized:

Where I was the whole time:

So the lesson here is:  if you let your mind wander, always remember your way back or you could get lost and look stupid.

I have been receiving feedback on some of my previous posts.  For those of you who appreciated the one about bacon, here is another thought:

For those friends of mine that were offended by my bacon post:

For that newly single friend that is celebrating not being in a relationship:

And to those of you who called me a nerd and made fun of me for playing Diablo III:

So here comes and goes a very large post.  Don't worry, I have about 10 more started and I hope they don't take me as long to finish as this one did.

Until next time, I have decided to finally answer a question I keep getting from someone who thinks I need to stop cursing so much on this blog (yes, they used the word "cursing"):

Hope you all remembered where to find this site.  Come back soon!


Friday, July 27, 2012

Randomness from the Edge

Diablo you, Diablo me...Diablo:

About 12 years ago, I started playing Diablo II:

Maybe "play" isn't the right word...I was totally obsessed with this game.  I remember the 4th of July party I had with some friends that year.  We were drinking beer and shooting fireworks at my house when a bottle rocket went off in my hand.  For some reason, that was the cue for all my friends to 7:00pm?!  In comparison, the year before Jerry the Tool and I stayed up until 3am drinking beer and listening to The Offspring.  But I didn't mind too much because it gave me a chance to go back and play more Diablo II.  I remember sitting there with a bucket of ice next to my keyboard where I would pause the game, nurse my scorched hand from my firework malfunction, then go back to playing more Diablo II.  I probably should have treated it with something, but then again, there was Diablo II and that took my pain away...until it came back...but that's what the ice was for...for my seared I could continue to play more Diablo II.

Fast forward to today, and I have a new vice in my never ending bout with the forces of evil:

That's right, Diablo III...

So here I am once again: addicted to a game that I just can't seem to let go...damn you, Blizzard!  Yes, I know I have been neglecting my blog...thanks to Nik for pointing that out.  But as you can see, I have been spending my time wisely trying to save the world from the prime evil and his demonic minions...your welcome.

Good coffee, good book, wrong guy:

M recently went to Oklahoma to visit some friends, leaving me at home with a "honey do" list and 4 kids.  Upon her return, I proceeded to enjoy a day to myself before heading back to work.  I decided to spend the morning at a local coffee shop with a book.  Seeing that it's been years (if ever) since I have been to a coffee shop at 10:00 on a Tuesday morning, I was surprised to find the place packed with people.  And not with people coming and going, but people sitting there with other people, people with laptops, and other people sitting with people with laptops.  The place was packed the entire time I was there.  Now I know everyone leads their own lives, but why didn't these people have somewhere else to be?  Don't these people have like jobs or something they needed to go to?  Must have been nice being able to hang out in a coffee shop on a Tuesday morning without some other place they needed to be.  Remind me to bitch slap my high school guidance counselor for not telling me about that one.

Anyway, as I grabbed my coffee, I found a table in the corner where I could sit down and read my book.  The lady at the table next to me gave me a smile followed by a strange look.  As I started reading, I couldn't help but notice that she continued to look over at me.  I finally looked up and caught her still watching me when she gave me a wink.

Wow, awkward...

Instead of returning the wink (not gonna happen) or hurting her feelings by ignoring her, I simply lifted up the book I was reading, showed her the cover, and told her "This is a good book!  I really think it's going to help!"  With that, she gave me a half nod and never once looked back at me the rest of the time I was there.  

As for the book I was reading:

$1 for a local teacher:

I recently went to Office Max / Office Depot / something with "office" in the store title.  The guy behind the counter asked me if I would be interested in donating a dollar to a local teacher.  Sure, why not, I like teachers...most of them.  He then asked me what I wanted to buy with my dollar - I had a choice of like 5 office supply items I could choose from.  Wait, what?  I thought I was donating a dollar to a local teacher, not purchasing a $.37 product for $1 and placing it into a bin to be handed out like some sort of disaster relief supplies drop.

Now I know school supplies are important to teachers, but this smelled like a scam to me.  I was asked to donate a $1 to a local teacher.  It's not like I was expecting the store to hand the teacher a wad of cash, but you'd think they'd pool the money together and buy them a Groupon to Applebee's or something that might be more meaningful than yet another box of paperclips or some colored chalk.  By the time I had my doubts, I debated whether or not challenging the donation.  I then just decided to let it go...a donation is a donation.  Besides, I could always use the karma.

Real text messages from real people:

This one night I received an interesting text.  It was obviously not meant for me, but I couldn't resist the urge to respond back to it anyway:

I have yet to receive a response...

About 30 minutes later, I received yet another interesting text.  This one came from one of my direct reports from work, but still just as bizarre:

This, my friends, is why I have a blog, and this is why I will never run out of ideas for new posts.

Advice is like a...

On one of my work trips, we brought out a few members from other areas of the company with us.  These are always interesting as you get to spend a lot of time with people you don't normally get to know very well.  Sometimes you make a new friend...sometimes you walk away with a fresh outlook on life...sometimes you get advice.

At dinner one night, one of the team members proceeded to help himself to round after round of cocktails.  This is always a slippery slope on a business outing as there is nothing wrong with having an adult beverage after a long day with a client, but there's a fine line between a couple of drinks and getting lit up with a group of co-workers you are still just getting to know.  After a few drinks, the guy decided to share his life story...then his wife's life story...then talk about how he's never traveled before...then how he's never had direct reports, but he's sure he'd make a good people leader.  

Then he decided to dish out the advice.  We each got an earful, but I will only share mine with all of you (to protect the innocent, the scene will be reenacted by Bobcat Goldthwait):

Oh wow...thanks...that's helpful.  Hang on, let me write that down...

To be fair, the guy meant well, but I didn't hear the end of my need to delegate from everyone else for the rest of the trip.  So to those out there that report to me, I will look into this "del-u-ga-shun" thing people are talking about and start practicing it with all of you.

For the record, I have a nasty habit of starting my conversations involving delegation with "Hey, I have an exciting opportunity for you!"  That usually sends people running.

Just a State Farm boy...

I was watching TV recently when I caught the latest State Farm commercial and a nod to Journey:

Hilarious!  (not really)

It took me a couple of times before I noticed it, but something oddly familiar in this commercial caught my eye:

Since I have so much spare time with my family, job, travel, and everything else, I decided I would start moonlighting as a State Farm agent (M gets two paychecks that way).

BTW - This picture has not been "shopped".  I dare you to look for it the next time you see this commercial.

So with that, we wind down another post.  That massive blog post I promised all of you in the last post?  Yep, it's still coming and it will be EPIC!

Until then, I leave you all with some recent internet pics.  The theme this time is dedicated to all of my current and newly single friends out there (you all know who you are).  

Whether you've been playing the dating scene for a while or just recently rejoining the ranks, I urge all of you to be careful - people are f'in crazy!