Red Ring of Death

For those of you who don't know me very well, I am a huge fan of video games.  I've been gaming most of my life and it's something that's always been a part of me.  I remember the late nights of Mortal Kombat, Madden and NHL '94 in college, Golden Eye and Halo after bar close, Tekken and DOA on Sunday nights with the fellas, and of course my 8 hour marathon sessions into the wee hours of the morning playing a countless number of games over the years.  Do I play a lot?  Not as much as I would like.  Do I enjoy them?  Yes.  Does it give me a sense of accomplishment knowing some made up virtual world is safe once again because I came along and squashed the evil tyranny that has washed across the land?  Yes.  Am I obsessed?  No.  Do I dress up like Master Chief and go to conventions or write fan fiction about a Resident Evil / Final Fantasy crossover?  Uh...no.  Is the capital of Nebraska - Lincoln?  Yes.  Does gaming consume, complete, or define me?  No, but it is a part of my life and something that will continue to be a part of my life for years to come.

My most recent obsession has been Fallout 3 for the Xbox 360.  It's one of those non-linear games where you aren't given a full set of objectives to complete the game (i.e. go from Point A to Point B, kill Monster C, lather, rinse, repeat...).  It's an open world where after a brief intro, you're basically allowed to wander the post apocalyptic world of Washington, DC.  You can go wherever you want, talk to whomever you want, say whatever you want to them (be nice or be an ass), and basically just do whatever you want.  Yes, there is a story and there is a point to the game, but most of the fun comes from just exploring and seeing new places, meeting new people, helping them out with their problems and shooting the occasional Raider or Super Mutant.  I'm drifting, sorry, anyway I decided to really get into this game and let it all play out.  My last game save said that I had put in over 100 hours of game play (over the span of 4 months).  I was max level and about halfway through the game when the dreaded Red Ring of Death hit my XBox.

For those of you not familiar with the RRoD, it's when your XBox 360 is unable to read the discs.  It's named after the 3 out of 4 quarter circles that turn red on the consoles status indicator.  At this point (and it's happened to many people), it's time to get a new XBox.  For some unfortunate few, it also loses all of the data and game saves stored on the hard drive. 

Yep, you guessed it...I was one of those poor bastards who just lost all of his game saves:

When I tried to explain my pain to M, she didn't understand.  It's just a game, start over.  Ahhh, what?!  Are you out of your damn mind?  Apparently she didn't get it, and most of my family and co-workers didn't either.  My friends understood, and they became my pillar of strength during this difficult time, but I felt like everyone needed to share in my pain that is the terrible Red Ring of Death!  So I decided to put it into a context for people who don't play video games and may enjoy a different pastime.  I hope I ruin this for all of you...

Imagine you are at a sporting event and your all-time favorite team in the whole, wide world is playing in the "big game" for the Duffenheimer Cup and 12 months worth of bragging rights.  Your team is trailing as the underdog and they suddenly have a game changing opportunity.  You're heart starts pounding, you jump from your seat, and you start screaming like crazy.  All of a sudden, the ball/puck/shuttlecock/whatever turns into a tiny, green gremlin that steals everyone's shoes and runs away:

What do you do?  Everyone is speechless (and without shoes).  How could this happen?  This was their moment.  This was YOUR moment!  In a last ditch effort to salvage the game, the referee/umpire/biggest parent/whatever decides to call the game in favor of the other team.  Orange slices are handed out to all the players and everyone goes home with no intention of ever discussing the bizarre situation that just transpired before you.  Bet that would suck huh?

For you "theater people", imagine you have finally scored tickets to the greatest play/opera/mime show/whatever that will ever happen in the history of your life.  You've been waiting months for this experience.  You even went shopping and bought a new pair of theater glasses just to celebrate this historic occasion.  The big night has finally come, you're dressed up nice enough to be buried, the lights go down and the curtain goes up.  Suddenly, out steps Joe Pesci.  Instead of your show, it has been replaced at the last minute by Northern New Jersey Summer Stock Festival's rendition of Hamlet:

What do you do?  You're in horrible pain of listening to Joe Pesci say funny words with a Jersey accent.  You want to drill a hole into your ears just to relieve some of the pressure building up in your skull so your head doesn't explode.  When the 4 hour, no intermission train wreck is over, the crowd quickly stands up and exits out of the theater/concert hall/gymnasium/whatever and they never speak a word of their experience ever.  Wouldn't that suck?

Ok, still not hitting home?  How about a concert instead?  You have been a huge follower of Metallica/Taylor Swift/Vanilla Ice/whatever for years.  You even stuck with them through their crappy albums knowing full well they just weren't trying anymore (I'm looking squarely right at you Dream Theater, Sevendust and Linkin Park).  You were able to get tickets to THE TOUR.  The tour to end all tours (until their next tour).  You stood in line for three days waiting for these tickets.  When the ticket office finally opens, the tickets are already sold out (use the internet next time, dummy).  So now you have to pay 3 times the cost for crappy seats high up in the upper deck, but it doesn't matter, because you're going to see the show!  Good for you...except the night of the show, the lights go down, the crowd jumps to their feet and then this:

That's right, there was a mix-up at the booking office and you're now stuck listening to Zamfir:  Master of the Pan Flute with special guest - Cajun Whale Tears, a drum line fusion jug band.  What do you do?  You've already bought the ticket, you're already wearing the concert shirt (also, don't be that guy) and you're now stuck listening to something that sounds like a cross between owls and pigeons having a giant game of "Yo momma so fat..." and The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band.  Now would that totally suck or what?

Alright, one more - vacation time.  I'll use the short version because I'm tired, I'm sure you get the point by now and the 3 of you that have managed to make it this far probably have to go pee.  So, dream vacation (think Gear Daddies), saving up, really excited, can't wait, then this:

That's right, somehow (I don't know - worm hole / transporter malfunction / disgruntled pilot / whatever) you end up in that $h!t hole from the movie District 9.  That sucks, the end.

So hopefully you caught on and now feel a little bit more of my pain here.  Incidentally, we did buy a new XBox 360 along with the Kinect.  For those of you not in the know of what the Kinect is, it's a motion sensor that captures your movement and transfers it to the avatar onscreen.  So if you jump / flail your arms / scratch yourself / whatever, your onscreen avatar does the same thing:

It's actually a lot of fun once you get past the point of no longer feeling like an idiot.  The kids really like it and it seems to be a decent alternative to actually exercising / paddling a boat / popping water balloons in space / whatever.

Of course, I do need to make a confession.  When I told my friend Greg about the RRoD, he told me I needed to come over to the light side of the force and buy a PlayStation 3.  While I'm not ready to give up my force lightning just yet, M decided it was time to add another member to our ever growing family:

I wonder how long it'll take before I break this one...

-Cheers!