I was recently a part of a pseudo-intervention over the past few weeks. No, it wasn't for my blatant abuse of alcohol, energy drinks or Nutella (but I hear one is being planned for those)...it was because I have not been regularly posting new stories onto this little corner of the interweb known as Edge of the Lemon. Friends and family have been coming out of hiding to remind me that I have been falling behind on my blogging duties and letting people down. So, for not posting as often, for keeping everyone out of fresh posts, and for letting you all down, I am sorry...sorry you're all such jerks with nothing better to do than point out the short comings of others! In all seriousness though, thanks to all of you for reaching out and letting me know what you think of this little blog, what it means to you and reminding me why I like to share the things I do!
For those of you that don't know me very well, I love bacon. Ah, bacon...sweetest of the salty meats. Where would I be if it wasn't for you? Skinny, I guess. Anywho, there isn't much I wouldn't add a piece of bacon to in attempts to make it better:
The above was a gourmet donut Mr Carlson brought in last week for Treat Day...delicious!
Remember the low-carb fad diets from a few years ago? Of course you do, the ones where people died from obesity? I too fell into the stranglehold of the "eat anything you want as long as it doesn't have any carbs in it":
My crazy and arguably unhealthy love for bacon has even earned me a reputation at work. Karen recently sent me some pictures of "turtle burgers" to which I had to add my own caption at the end of the series:
Wheeler also understands my Achilles Heal. My Kryptonite of Pork if you will (I call it Porkonite):
But who can blame them, really? Especially when they have me as their dad:
Hey, don't judge! That was an unfair question at the time...
So there you have it: my love for bacon. I know that there are others out there that love bacon too, and to them I say, "Hands off, that's my bacon! Get your own, Fatty!" For those of you who do not eat bacon, I will not judge you. Whether it's by personal choice or by your religion, that just leaves more bacon for the rest of us. Thanks for that, by the way!
With that, I leave you all with a poem about bacon:
A flowchart on bacon:
And an unfulfilled prophecy on Bacon:
Hope you all have a bacon filled bacon that brings a bacon to your bacon.
-Bacon!
P.S. - Amber, can't wait to try some of your tasty, new dishes from culinary school. Remember, when in doubt - just add bacon!
OK, let me just caveat this post with six very important things:
I have been working on an epic post for the last 3 weeks now and I had every intention of finishing it tonight until I saw this video.
While I have tried very hard to keep my personal politics off of this blog, I'm afraid I am going to break that rule tonight.
While I'm not here to pass judgement on the issue of right and wrong, I will pass judgement on the contents inside. I'll leave the overall ruling left to those better equipped to handle this situation. People such as individuals like you, our immaculate and flawless government (care for a shot of sarcasm?), and/or The Lord (whomever you deem that entity to be).
The following post is not meant to be funny...any humor will be purely coincidental.
This post will be filled with rage...my rage to be more specific. While I am filled with rage, I also am filled with half a bottle of wine and more than the daily recommended dose of Nutella and Frank's Red Hot. This can be a wicked combination, get ready.
Those who have questioned my blog or found it offensive in the past should leave now. Please close your browser and come back in a few days. Please!
For those of you who have stayed, you have been warned...
Please try to watch this video in it's entirety:
I love how the camera really captures her ignorance and hatred.
First, let's be fair...this lady is obviously crazy in a clinical sense. She is more than likely schizophrenic, but with that said, someone let her in and someone let her continue to speak.
There are many things that I have to tolerate in my life, but ignorance is not one of them. I find the ramblings of this woman amazingly hateful and overwhelmingly irritating. I confess that I am a heterosexual male and while I have never dabbled in "playing for the other team", I'm almost 100% positive that "P-E-N-I-S going into the anus to rupture intestines..." is not very factual.
In fact, I question 95% of everything she said (Judas did kiss Jesus, so I can't debate that one). I have no idea where someone would even be able to come up with this stuff. She even seemed to stumble through some of it as well as if she were reading it for the first time. Some people, when presenting, just read whatever is in front of them without even thinking about what they are saying. Can you imagine someone handing her a notebook, saying, "Hey, I wrote some notes for you...just read what's on the page and you'll be fine."
There must come a point in their relationship when this woman's Life Coach has to simply say, "You know what? F$%& this...you're on your own!"
I wonder what the next presenter was thinking during this. They could have come up to the podium, set a bucket full of puppies on fire, and the audience would still leave that room thinking, "What the hell is an 'orgy-er'?"
It's things like this that make me question how we can ever hope for that Utopian world when we have so far to go. People covet what they don't have and they fear what they don't understand. That coveting and fear turns to hate, and that hate leads to pain and suffering.
For those of you out there that are gay - I am sorry. I am sorry that you have to live in a world where you will not be accepted by people who have no right to judge anyone expect for themselves. I am sorry that there are people out there that don't even know you but know that they hate you. I am sorry that there are people like this woman in the world that can make it harder for you to accept yourself for who you really want to be.
For those of you out there that are not gay - I am sorry. I am sorry that you have to live in world where people like this feel they have the right to speak on your behalf and tell someone they are wrong because they are different for them. I am sorry that you too live in a world where people judge others when they can't even judge themselves. I am sorry that there are people like this woman who just make it all worse.
And for anyone I haven't acknowledged yet - I am sorry. I'm not sure how I could have missed you...
So there it is in it's ugly and bitter truth. Our world can be so beautiful and so devastating at the same time, that sometimes I don't know whether to praise the wonders or vomit at the disgust. Either way, I'm sure I'm not alone.
Remember the Warner Bros cartoons with Michigan J. Frog?
For those of you not familiar, basically in each cartoon someone finds this frog that can sing and dance. The catch is that every time they try to show this singing/dancing frog to anyone else, the frog just sits there making everyone look stupid.
Sometimes I feel like that chump when it comes to Adler (who is almost 2). He's a smart boy who chooses when he decides to talk. I assure you, the kid knows how...he only does it when it's convenient.
There are times when he says things that surprises me:
But before I can confront him on it, he just smiles and calmly walks away
I'm not the only one he's done this to either. My mom recently had an encounter such as this with Adler:
After several months of this, I finally decided to ask Adler to come clean with this little ruse of his. This is how it went down:
So there you have it. Looks like it may be a little while longer before Adler starts having conversations with most people, but at least it's good to know there's nothing wrong with him...maybe?
As always, I close with a couple of internet pics to keep you going:
Don't get me wrong, I am living the dream as a director of an implementation team, but there are days when I miss working in the service industry.
-Cheers!
For those of you who have been here recently, you may remember M taking a vacation with some friends. For those of you who don't know the full story, here it is (in bullet form):
I took almost two weeks off of work so M could go up north to a friend's cabin
With M gone on her vacation, my vacation consisted of watching the kids
Since I was home alone with the kids, I never got to sleep in (one of my favorite hobbies these days)
M returned with three days left before I had to return to work and promised me that the last three days were mine to spend how I wanted
Yeah, but then this happened:
Sorry, but anything before 8am is not considered sleeping in (according to most people)
Oh, I'm sorry...8:30am is NOT really sleeping in either.
Lousy farmers and their stupid daylight! For the record, this does not count as sleeping in.
Needless to say, I didn't really get a chance to sleep in the entire time I was off of work. I had to get revenge!
So I did what any good husband would do - I played it right back:
After starting small, I decided to play it up a bit...if M's brain starts thinking, she'll never get back to sleep.
Then, just to push it a little further, I added a little worry to the confusion:
I originally wasn't going to add this next one because it was almost too over the top, but then I did anyway:
And of course, for the big finish, I pulled in the kids for a crazy-funtime FLASHMOB!
So there you have it - the final days of my most recent time off of work and some sweet, sweet vengeance on the beloved who made it all happen.
Thanks Baby!
Before we go, as always, I'd like to share some pictures I've discovered while perusing the internet lately.
First one is how M felt after the flashmob:
The second is for Greg/Sarah and Regular Cinderella who both just recently had themselves some babies:
