Uncle Buckey's Lethargy Bars

In a world full of energy drinks and power bars, flavored gourmet coffee of all shapes and sizes, and the common fast paced life that would even make an over achieving humming bird scream "SLOW THE @#$% DOWN!", I can't help but wonder how we ever mange to not only find time to sleep, but bring our bodies down to a "jitter level" low enough to even let it happen (run on sentence, I know...I don't care). 

Now don't get me wrong, I can slam an energy drink faster than anyone, which is usually followed by my morning Clif Bar, and that typically makes way for my 9am coffee run downstairs with Wheeler.  The rest of the day is spent drinking Guy Diet and sucking on coffee beans or chewing on a ginseng root (not really...maybe).  Our jobs require us to "do more with less", technology insists we always stay connected and all of our personal hamster wheels have been greased well enough to handle a total workout in less than 37 seconds a day.  We have trained our bodies to be in constant overdrive mode and that kind of mentality is hard to break.  For 18+ plus hours a day, we tell our bodies "no you can't slow down" when we need to be saying "you probably should".

Folks, I have the answer!  Introducing Uncle Buckey's Lethargy Bars:

 That's right, Uncle Buckey's Lethargy Bars are not only designed to help your body relax, but they are guaranteed to, at minimum, put you to sleep or your money back (results may vary).  Most "other bars" out there try to lure you in with "endorphin triggers" such as fruits, nuts and dark chocolate.  But what they don't tell you is while your endorphin levels may rise to help you relax, these ingredients also hit you with a shot of energy, protein and caffeine.  This confuses your body into slowing down and speeding at the same time.  And that my friends is sometimes referred to as a "speedball", which is what killed John Belushi (Legal Note:  Belushi's speedball was a combo of cocaine and heroin and in no way an actual dietary supplement implied in this advertisement).

Uncle Buckey's Lethargy Bars uses a combination of today's most popular sedatives, muscle relaxants and pain relievers such as carisoprodol and morphine.  In fact, we promise at least one piece of Valium in every bite!  We also added all natural tryptophan (which is found in Thanksgiving turkey) and offer delicious nap inducing flavors such as Bisquits n' Gravy, Leftover Fried Chicken, Mammoth Burger, All-You-Can-Eat Chinese Buffet, and the ever popular Bacon!

Just listen to what others have to say about Uncle Buckey's Lethargy Bars:

*NOTE:  Typo was intentional...I thought it would be funnier than it actually turned out.  Sorry.

*NOTE:  Our photographer unfortunately ate an Uncle Buckey's Lethargy Bar during the photo shoot and was not able to hold the camera steady.  Since we were being charged by the hour, we decided to just let it go.

And here's a lucky person who just polished off one of our new Jumbo Size:

Don't worry folks, he's fine...he's just sleeping...yeah, "sleeping".  He looks so peaceful doesn't he?

Manufacturer Warning - After eating an Uncle Buckey's Lethargy Bar, please consider the following:

• Do NOT attempt to use heavy machinery
• Do NOT attempt to operate motorized vehicles
• Do NOT attempt to talk

If you find yourself feeling like you "can't eat just one", you may be having an addiction or a negative reaction to something else other than Uncle Buckey's Lethargy Bars.  If problem persists for more than 10 days, please contact your local detox or rehab center and tell them Uncle Buckey says "hiya".  We'll be waiting for you when you get out.

Oh, and stop calling us asking for more free samples.

-Cheers!