Hall Pass

M and I recently watched the Farrelly brothers movie - Hall Pass.  It had that delightful Owen Wilson in it along with Jason Sudeikis, Jenna Fischer and the always beautiful Christina Applegate (even my beloved Alyssa Milano had a cameo).  It's one of those comedies that is supposed to have funny one liners, crude toilet humor, the humorous side of drug use and of course a life lesson that each character must learn in their own way.

Now I like to think that I can be forgiving with most movies.  They are supposed to tell a story the best they can, so I tend to overlook plot holes, breaks in the continuity and I always try to give the writers/directors the benefit of the doubt with their intents.  But this movie was just too far out there for me to even fathom belief.  The main plot of the movie is this - two middle aged family men are given a week off from their marriage by their wives.  This means they can do whatever they want, whenever they want, with WHOMEVER they want.  That's right, they have an entire week to go do ***fill in the blank here with your most obscene thoughts***.

My initial reaction to the concept should set the tone for the rest of this post.   I thought that this concept was so far inconceivable, that I started thinking of more realistic opportunities that may actually happen to me in my life:

Now don't get me wrong, I am not a prude and yes, I know there is such a thing as "open marriages", but the mere thought of something like this ever happening just seems too far out there.  I then started to realize that this movie was not a comedy at all, but more in the vein of science fiction:

For those of you who have been to this blog before, you may have gotten to know me a little better over the last seven months or so.  Through my posts, you more than likely have had a chance to get to know M a little more as well.  Can you ever see something like this happening???

I love M a lot...but she is a psycho (she'll be the first to admit that).  If M were to ever make such an offer to yours truly, my response would probably go something like this:

As we sat there watching this movie, it became more and more clear that these people have lost all grip on reality.  The husbands were planning conquests that would never happen.  The wives started flirting with other men and then pushed them away when they got too close (man I hated dating).  And of course, both couples realized how stupid they were and how stupid in love they were with their significant other.  They then vowed to treat each other better and that was basically the end of the movie.

M and I sat up afterwards to talk about it.  I shared with her how far fetched it seemed and how crazy of an idea it was.  M then reminded me of what I would more than likely do in that situation and I started feeling better about the overall concept (once again, my wife was right).

Let's assume for a second that M gives me a hall pass from our marriage and I had a week to do whatever I wanted.  My "to do" list would look something like this:

• gin, bourbon, tequila, beer - CHECK
• stuffed crust pizza, Frank's Red Hot, Chipotle - CHECK
• cognac dipped cigarillos - CHECK
• 4 foot stack of video games with fully charged controllers - CHECK
• cell phone and BlackBerry turned off and batteries removed - CHECK
• doors and windows locked, alarm set and clocks hidden - CHECK

Let the madness begin...

-Cheers!