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Aw, success!  This is Michelle.  I have broken into Chris' blog so I can perhaps paint a more accurate respresentation of my dream home and my messed up mind at the same time...also allowing any realtors out there a head start on the true existing conditions that must be met before buying any property...

First off, I would never have a moat with sharks around the perimeter of my house.  Sharks are my biggest fear next to serial killers.  Sharks come first...serial killers second.  Although, now that I write that out, I might want to switch it...none the less, there'd be no sharks outside of my house or I wouldn't be living there!  Second, I would also never have that thing from Alien sitting out there...I'd rather have some sort of monster that looks scary to outsiders but is really just a big ball of mush, who we can welcome into our home at any given time.  (Although, I don't NEED a monster...Chris made that addition himself)...he pretty much took liberties with everything...I never mentioned a scary door, or the moat, or the sharks, or the British guard or the missiles on the roof...although, if I'm being honest...I like the addition of the missiles and the guard.  I think the missiles would be somewhat alarming to others and perhaps keep the crazy people away (although they probably wouldn't last long...I'm sure the government would find something wrong with having missiles on ones' roof) but the guard I think would be an enjoyable aspect for the whole family.  I could send the kids out there to try and get him to smile when I needed to get some stuff done around the house.

Okay, back to my true list for all of the realtors out there...I actually want TWO levels (not one...he was confused, I've told him I didn't want 3 levels like he wants because THEN there'd be too many points of entry)...and I want all of the bedrooms on the 2nd level (so for those of you counting, we'll need at least 7 rooms on the 2nd floor!) because I don't want anyone being able to sneak in (predators) or sneak out (teenagers).  Also, I don't want to live by a lake (don't want my nonswimming children to drown, plus lakes are just dirty and bodies can be thrown in there) and I don't want to live by a bunch of trees (I had forgotten about the spiders, that is true...there are more spiders in your house the more brush surrounding it BUT my bigger thing was that heavily wooded areas are probably drop off spots for bodies---SORRY people...just telling you how it is in my mind!)...lets see, no attic.  Chris tells me that all houses have attics so I guess we're just going to have to fill ours with something...like a ton of cotton...or plastic bubble sheets, or wood or metal or whatever...because attics are where crazy people hide out once they get into your house.  No one even likes going in the attic...unless you're male...and even then, they probably don't like going either!  They just suck it up because they have to.  SO, we need to fill the attic and then remove any option of going up there...like those creepy pull down stair things that always make too much noise in the movies.  Also, the fence...it needs to be about 8 feet tall with no outside door option.  We could have a handle with a lock on the inside of the fence.  Originally, I didn't want a door at all...but Chris feels some huge need to be able to bring a lawnmover back and forth instead of through the house when he I need to mow the front lawn...so being the giver that I am, I will make this exception of having a door but only being able to access it from the inside of our lawn.  We also will have those motion light things on the outside of our house...on every side.  Originally we were going to have 2 Dobermans' but at the rate we're having kids and their annoying persistance that we get them dogs, we'll probably end up with 2 Dobermans, some yorkies, a poodle, a lab, a brussels griffon, a Huskie and whatever else Ayris has mentioned on her ever changing list of dogs that she wants.  (Ya can't give one kid a dog and not the others right?)...

Well this list has gotten exhausting.  Yes, I know we're going to be the family from hell to relocate into another house and any realtor should probably run from us BUT I don't think all of these requests seem unreasonable.  I'm just a person who knows what I want and there's nothing wrong with that! 

So in conclusion, yes, I'm psycho, I will fully admit that...I find humor in the crazy that is me, which is why I encourage Chris to use it as material...but just keep in mind that Chris is big on embellishing...so I may just have to pop in every once in a while to set the record straight...so you know, people don't think I'm crazier than I really am  =)

*Sorry for breaking into your blog Chris, but I've given you every opportunity to guest write on mine so I didn't figure you'd mind.  Just don't change your password in case I need to set the record straight again!